The other side of drug abuse and addiction

Or what people don’t hear or know about from those of us who are partnered with the drug abuser or addict.

 

Drug Abuse – The habitual taking of addictive or illegal drugs.

Addiction – The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, think or activity.

Addict – A person who is addicted to a particular substance, typically an illegal drug.

Late 2016 was the beginning of a downward time in my life. It started abruptly from my perspective. One day everything was fine and the next I was thrust into a sorted mess of addiction and abuse.

My partner, M and I lead a quite life here in Denver. He worked for a large international company in Aurora and I worked retail. We had made a good life for ourselves, we bought a house and were happy; or I thought. Little did I know what awaited me in the latter months of 2016. A downward spiral that almost saw us loose our house and lively hood.

Being the one who wasn’t using meant I was the one who was left to maintain, everything. From that emerged ANGER, RESENTMENT, GUILT and FEAR. Let me explain and examine each one.

ANGER – This manifested in several ways and at different times over the months of use. I was angry at my partner. I was angry at our “friend”. I was angry at the drug. I was angry at the dealer. I was angry at myself.

The anger at my partner and “friend” were pretty much the same. It was an anger that was directed at them the whole time, because they were in a place that they didn’t care about anything but the drug. I was angry at the drug for doing what it was doing to my partner, changing him into someone I didn’t recognise. The dealer for the same reason. The anger toward myself was because I didn’t say, “enough”, or “no”. I was weak and wanted to see them happy, and didn’t think of the cost.
RESENTMENT – Simply resenting him because I was stuck to manage the entire financial situations with the limited funds available after money was taken and used for the drug.

GUILT – This is mine personally. The guilt is very profound. It stems from not taking a stance on the use. Not doing something sooner to prevent it. Not just saying, “NO!”.

 

FEAR – This is a powerful one. It motivated much of my inactivity during the months. I was fearful of loosing my partner if I was to say, “No more.” I was fearful of violence stemming from the same. I was fearful of loosing everything we owned to the drug. I was fearful that I would ultimately loose my partner to the drug.

I think the saddest thing about all of this is the fact that the one using the drugs fails to see all that is going on outside the pipe and the torch. They don’t see the hurt because the drug won’t let them. They don’t see the dark figure looming in the background just waiting for that moment when control is lost and they are his for the taking. They don’t see the pain felt by others who see them change and become distant, wanting only the drug and those who can provide it. They don’t see those of us who are left to pick up the pieces of our lives because we are afraid to loose them and ourselves.

After the use stops, those of us who sat outside the pipe find ridicule when we attempt to talk about what we went through. We are blamed for making it up, that they, “weren’t like that”, “I didn’t do that”, “don’t blame me or that, you did it.” We aren’t allowed to discuss anything we had to go through because of the blaming, anger and changes to the users mental state.

Recovery options are always available to those that have used drugs. This a good thing, however, what options are there for those of us that have stood by and had to experience, the other side of drug use and addiction?

 

 

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Why Contemporary Paganism Deserves to Die

Best post I have read on the status of Paganism…ever!

Must read.

The Allergic Pagan

Does Paganism Deserve to Survive?

I don’t know whether contemporary Paganism is dying or not.  But it’s definitely changing.

Contemporary Paganism is being squeezed by the same social, economic, and technological pressures that all other contemporary religions are struggling with.  Generational differences with Millennials.  Economic inequality. The internet.

Which got me thinking, why are we bothering to struggle?  Why not just let entropy take its course?

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Gardening Close to Home

I looked at a bunch of websites looking for what is needed to care for my veggie and herb gardens.  I looked at what if anything the soil needs, bugs in the area and fertilizing.

Here is what I found.

 

I was surprised that most soil amendments are not good for the Colorado soil.  The best soil amendments are the usual things.  I used potting peat moss last year and I plan on using it again this year.  Manure and composts are also good to use for gardens in Colorado.  Composts not only add to the soil but they also can act as a fertilizer.  Composting creates nutrients that when added to the garden soil at the correct depth will supply some food for the plants.  Composting and manure are the best way to amend our soil in Colorado.

 

For fertilizing my gardens I use Miracle-Gro commercial product.  I find that the mixture is perfect.  I make sure I only fertilize when it is required and never during the heat of the day.  Some places need Potassium and Phosphorus to augment the fertilization, however, the soil in Colorado is naturally set with the correct amounts of phosphorus and potassium.  Fertilizing in my gardens will ensure I have the perfect crop at harvest time.

 

Pests in Colorado are a very real problem.  We have aphids and I noticed them around the tomato plants and bean plants.  The way to control them is to introduce a natural predator to take out the aphids.  Ladybird beetles or ladybugs are the best for this.  Spider mites are also here in Colorado.  They attack the leaves of the plants and eventually killing the plant.  Insecticides won’t kill the spider mite and using them will kill the beneficial bugs.   Again, natural predators are the best at taking out the mites.

 

The Colorado Gardening website has a very good way of taking care of pests.  It is called IPM.  This is from the site.

 

Informed gardeners realize that totally wiping out all insects in the garden is both unwise and unfeasible. Pest management, rather than complete eradication of pests, is the goal. An integrated approach that utilizes a combination of methods to keep pests in check is employed. These techniques include:

1) Cultural controls: the use of gardening practices that promote healthy plants, such as crop rotation, proper fertilization and watering, good garden clean-up, etc.

2) Mechanical controls: the use of barriers, traps, handpicking of pest, etc.

3) Biological controls: the use of natural predators (beneficial insects) such as ladybugs and green lacewings

4) Chemical controls (the last resort): the use of pesticides derived from natural sources and, when necessary, synthetic sources.

The use of IPM diminishes the need for chemicals and results in gardens that are safer for everyone—children, pets, birds, butterflies, and gardeners![1]

 

I believe this is sound advice and might be good for the all gardening students.

 

I continue to work on the garden every other day and cannot wait to plant the main garden.

[1] http://www.coloradogardening.com/garden_tips.htm

Sorry pagans and witches, the Salem witch trial victims are not YOUR poster children

Agree with this 100%.

traditionalwitchcraft

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA Proctor’s Ledge, the real site where the witch trial hangings took place

On the eve of March 1, 2016 I noticed a number of online memes posted in social media regarding the Salem witch craft trials, and remembering the victims.  This of itself is not bothersome.  However, what I find disturbing is that in context of the memes, they are typically portrayed as if they are witches, died for the plight of defending witchcraft, or sayings about them being in some kind of witchcraft type of afterlife like “summerland”. Equally disturbing is the amount of people who tout and parade them around, lack even basic education or research about these victims, the events or the actual trials.   Many even think they were burnt at the stake!   Come on people, if you sincerely care about these victims, want to honor their memory beyond using them and their memory to…

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Where do I go from here?

I am Pagan.  I am Witch.  Where do I go from here?  I have not done anything relating to my spirituality for some time.  Where do I go from here?

I watch Facebook, I belong to many groups.  I offer my advice from my past experiences.  I have ideas on content, yet my  pages are blank.  Where do I go from here?

This is not a crisis of faith.

Four Pillars of a Witches Temple

I found this information on another site I found and thought it was be great to share.

There are many first qualities that a witch must learn to develop. The best one that I can recommend is the “Witches Pyramid” or the “Four Pillars of the Witches Temple.” This four Laws are very important and if you use them as your base, you cannot go wrong. Abide by them always and you can go wrong. They are Ancient by they still apply to today’s Witch.

The Four Pillars of Witches Temple

To Know (nescere)
-corresponds to Air
-represents the witch’s reason/intellect/intuition/wisdom and other more mystical understandings…

Basically this has to do with the gaining of knowledge, whether it be from books, teachers, or from experience. This also includes anything having to do with organizing said knowledge: remembering, analyzing, dissecting, logical reasoning, imagining, linking, and many more. This is shown in many kinds of knowledge needed to do ritual: from remembering the words to invocations, to knowing when to cast the circle, to knowing what incense to use, to remembering how it feels when one grounds correctly.

In witchcraft knowledge is power. No knowledge is ever wasted, and you may find that your fifth grade Creative Writing class taught you things useable for creating invocations, or that your Aunt Jean’s gardening tips are helping you with your herb growing, or your Tai Chi class helped get the idea of centering across.

The admonitions “Know Thyself”, “Know your Craft”, “Learn” and “Apply you Learning” are all included in the pillar.

To Will (velle)
-corresponds to Fire
-represents the witch’s Will/Discipline/her skills in the arts of magic and life.

This can be split into two categories: the mundane and the Magickal. The mundane is where a with tries to keep their life in good order, and to follow through on promises and commitments. The magickal version refers to the Will to see a spell or ritual to its completion, keeping the intent clear without letting oneself get distracted.
Concentration, Discipline and Drive are definitely a part of this, as well as Enthusiasm for doing ritual in the first place.

Placing one’s will in tandem with Divine Will is also included.

“Keep you thoughts and deeds in good order” and “Breathe and Eat correctly” belong here (though really just the act of living up to all the Goals could be listed inder0 “To Will”)

To Dare (audere)
-corresponds to Water
-represents the witch’s Emotions/Heart since the word courage derives from a word that means “heart”

“To Dar” encompasses the acts of facing fears, especially with regards to doing magick. Dare to experiment with what one has learned to gain more experience, like trying out that new astral travel technique or trance working. Dare to meet the Gods and interact with them. Dare to deal with inner darkness.

This is not to say that one must never feel fear. Fear must be felt and examined before it can be dealt with. The more one tries to hide one’s fear from one’s self, the more power that fear will have over one’s self. Facing the Shadow within can be more traumatic than facing the most awe-inspiring Deity. However, Starhawk mentions in her book The Spiral Dance, “Where there’s fear, there’s power.” One’s greatest fear can mask one’s greatest strength.

It must be stated that any emotion or personal attribute brought into a magickal circle will be increased and strengthened. This explains the admonition at the gateway “Better to fall upon this knife/Than enter here in fear, or strife”. Give strength to your courage.

To Keep [the] Silence (tacere)
-corresponds with Earth
“To Keep the Silence” is often interpreted as “To Keep Silent”: that is, to keep secret knowledge of witchcraft, of membership and places of meetings etc., except in cases of voucher-for persons. “To Keep Silent” is probably a good general practice since it keeps the foolhardy from trying things that might be dangerous or from getting flack from less sympathetic neighbors. This is, however, not the whole story.

“Silence” represents the ‘still point’… the silence within… The correspondence with Earth here also gives another hint of this interpretation, since in order to begin to work magick, we generally “ground” and “center” ourselves. It is difficult to keep clear one’s intent if other extraneous thoughts keep flitting by and being distracting.

Listening to the Gods and Nature (and other people for that matter) is also intimated since one cannot hear unless there is silence first.

Again, “Keeping your thoughts in good order” as well as “Meditate” come under this heading

To Go (ire)
-corresponds to Spirit

Some traditions use the fifth Element of Spirit as embodying the power “To Go”: to go forth, to journey, to make manifest, to evolve. Most traditions assign Spirit to the Gods, making spirit a combination of the other four elements in perfect balance.

Conclusion

If one sees each of these qualities written on a four-sided pyramid, “To Keep the Silence” would be on the base, with the other three (To Know, To Will, To Dare) rising from the base (ie. Earth, foundation) to meet at the top. All things begin and end in Silence.

All of these qualities must be developed to gain proficiency in magick.

Sources:

The Way of the Goddess by Ly Warren-Clarke

Dalukah’s Notes

The Spiral Dance by Starhawk

Credit also give to Witches of the Craft for this content

Zoisite (Ruby) Green and Red in Beauty

General Information

This is a quick little blog post about Ruby Zoisite.  A stone that is made from two different types of stones.  Ruby which offers the red and pinks to the stone.  And Zoisite, which offers the green colors.  Zoisite is the same mineral as tanzanite.

Ruby Zoisite was first discovered in Tanzania in 1954, one can assume along with tanzanite.

Magickal Information

This stone facilitates trance states and a connection to the divine.  As such it is an excellent stone for pendulums,

GP6RZ

and also rune stones.

 

As I said.  A quick little post to end out the year.  See you all in 2013 if I don’t make another post next week.

 

Blessings to all.

A cold of all things.

It figures that now that I am ready to get going on some things that I have been putting off I get a FRACKING cold.

Hit me Tuesday evening and has proceeded to a full blown ravaging cold.  So here I sit, stuffed up, soar throat and wondering what to do.  Can’t sew because I am so worn out.  Might try to Cross-stitch but even that might be too difficult.

On the upside I am going grill some hotdogs for dinner to be mixed with some mac and tomatoes.  MMMM.  

At least the cold will only last a couple more days but there goes the weekend. 

Coming in October

Be sure to check out my guest blog post on October 12th on Wise Whispers.

 

I share my experiences with the paranormal and ghosts.

 

Also, Samhain is coming and the veil is thinning.  Get ready to honor your ancestors and celebrate the final harvest.

I will be writing about what this month means to me know versus what it meant to me growing up and the differences from being raised Christian to now being Pagan.

On Grove of the Ancients Blog, I will be highlighting new items for the upcoming Sabbats, Samhain and Yule and give suggestions on that perfect gift.

 

My Etsy store, Grove Creations, is open and I should have a couple new cloaks available there soon.  Assuming I have time to complete them.

 

Faith and religion should be a path you walk and the cup you drink from. Not the well you fall and drown in.